The past few nights here have been super rough. Normally, I pride myself on having good sleepers. But, that's where pride gets ya. The past two nights, all three kiddos have, at some point, awakened during the night. This may not seem like the biggest deal ever, but it causes a ripple effect. A cry here, a scream there, it wakes up the entire house!
Eden told me she had a bad dream about a giant spider wrapping a web around our house and the neighbor's house. August just mumbled "poo poo" in his sleep. Sure enough, I found out why in the morning. Titus is getting monster big, so he scoots his sleep-sack self right into the corner of the playpen every night. (Son, when will you learn?) It doesn't help that I do not normally go to sleep until at least midnight, working on other things, then turn right around and get up by 7am. I am usually a chipper person in the morning. Now I am the walking dead.
(Which, since we are on the subject, what is the current obsession with zombies? When did this become cool? It was aliens when we were in high school. Good grief.)
The lack of sleep, coupled with a few weeks of a shallow well of mundane tasks and empty conversation, has sinfully led me to believe that maybe I am dead. Maybe God has no use for me. That I am simply to listen to adversaries and allow idle chatter to reign. But, then, Oh, then. I stumble upon this:
"Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress ; My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow And my years with sighing ; My strength has failed because of my iniquity, And my body has wasted away. Because of all my adversaries, I have become a reproach, Especially to my neighbors, And an object of dread to my acquaintances ; Those who see me in the street flee from me. I am forgotten as a dead man, out of mind ; I am like a broken vessel. For I have heard the slander of many, terror is on every side ; While they took counsel together against me, They schemed to take away my life. But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD, I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hand ; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me. Make Your face to shine upon Your servant ; Save me in Your lovingkindnes". Psalm 31:9-16
Even when you feel the pressures, the exhaustion, the misunderstanding of life in general, just remember He never leaves. He is always there. He is there with the bad dreams and the dirty diapers. The midnight mothering. He knows your heart, your intent. Your desire to please Him above all else. He is there when others are not. He can use you! He IS using you.
If you know someone who needs encouragement this week, offer it! And a cup of caffeinated coffee doesn't hurt either :)
