top ten topics the husband tries to avoid (but can't).

Things got real around here this weekend. That's right. A little bit of honesty leaked while having a casual convo on the couch. There are apparently many, many topics of conversation that I frequently bring up that Brandon would rather be shot at close range with an air soft gun that talk about. I guess this could be kind of a sequel to the ever popular "The Things I Do that Drive My Husband Insane" post (find that gem here.). Little did I know that I discuss said topics so frequently? But now I know. And knowing is half the battle, GI Joe. And I plan to use this new found knowledge to, well, drive my husband insane. It's what I do, people.

Here are the top ten topics of conversation my husband tries to avoid, but cannot:

1. Birthday parties. This includes party planning, attending parties, gifts for a party, Party City, party themes. Basically anything with the word "party" in it. Basically because he knows he will be paying for something that will be thrown in the trash two hours later. In my defense, husband, I reused the table cloths from August's party. You are welcome.

2. The grocery store. Ahhh yes. Everytime I sit down next to the trunk with a flower pad and an ink pen in hand, you can see the life leave him, because he knows the next thing out of my mouth will be "What do you want for supper this week?" He always says drink mix and pretzels. That is not a good quality answer to my question. So I ask again. Only this time I may change it up a bit by saying "Is there anything you need from the store?" This week his mustered up the answer of "Well, it would be nice to have some HONEY MUSTARD back in this house!!!" Done.

3. My Hair. As we know, last week I cut a little on my hair (see hair here). But, I am constantly asking, "Do you like it long or short?" (Short.) "Do you think this cut is tooo short?" (Huh? I dunno. Maybe.) "Do you think I will have to start dyeing it regularly over the next five years for gray coverage?" (Absolutely.) The fun truly begins when I start pulling up haircuts on Google images...

4. Painting the Kids' Room. Eden and August are now officially roommates (Look for full story in an upcoming post!) and therefore I think that the room needs to be repainted. It is pink and mint green and was painted last around five years ago when I was still pregnant with Eden. A fresh coat of paint never hurt anybody, but he absolutely cringes when I bring it up. Ooh! I should bring home some paint swatches and lay them on the counter. Thanks for helping me think of that!

5. My Teeth. I ask him, on a regular basis, if my teeth are yellow. I am sorry. When you grow up with a brother that constantly calls you "Corn Teeth" because your chompers are a bright shade of yellow, you become a little self conscious, ok? Throw that question in with regular wear of retainers and you've got yourself a man sick of discussing all things oral hygiene.

6. Propane Gas. During the winter, if you want my husband to leave the room, just begin saying one of the following: a.) I'm afraid we are going to run out of gas this weekend, b.) Why is gas sooo expensive? or c.) I will never again live in a house with propane gas as a sole source of heat.

7. Anything About Twitter. It's that simple. He doesn't get it, doesn't care, doesn't want to know who retweeted my tweet. One day a celebrity is going to retweet something brilliant that I write and the joke's gonna be on my husband. But even then he still will not care.

8. Redoing Our Bedroom. Kind of going along with number 4 above, Brandon was feeling particularly generous about two months ago and told me I could redo our bedroom however I wanted, even painting the walls, new comforter and all. Biggest mistake of his life. I haven't let a day go by without mentioning all of my "plans" to redecorate our boudoir.

9. The Dryer. Our dryer has been acting up for months, and while I try to curb the conversation about it, sometimes all I can talk about is how I dried certain loads of laundry three times in a row before they were completely dry. He knows the dryer has seen better days. He does not need me to remind him!

10. Baby Gear. Cloth diapers, great deals on disposable ones, the best sippy cups, selling kids' clothes on consignment. He totally zones out and begins reliving that last episode of MacGyver in his mind. Hey, this stuff is important!!

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